Hello, to whoever you are.
I'm aware you're probably some fat guy in his mother's basement. Who knows, maybe you've stumbled drunk to your computer, typed in a random assortment of letters and found yourself here, staring at these words. You may be a promiscuous lady-person who googled "herpes" after a one-night stand. In the case of the latter, my number is 443-545-8993. Call me.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here now. Here to marinate in my mediocre ramblings, to entertain my loftily impossible dreams of becoming an international writing sensation and retiring to a small woodland cottage where I will train bears to do my menial labor. Well, we can all have a dream, can't we?
Look, I'm tired, and the dead prostitute under my bead is beginning to smell, so I'm gonna leave you here. Just...try and have a good time, okay? Make yourself at home. Just wipe your feet on the way in.